Wanderin' Thoughts

There’s a dance you’re supposed to do when you’re building an online presence. And if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I’m not a good dancer. Well, not anymore. This body/mind cannot bust those moves now. Ha! And especially not to this tune.

I know the steps — post often, engage with others, find your niche, grow your audience. Every so often, I’ll step onto the floor and try it. My feet hit the marks; it looks like I’m doing it right… but my heart’s not in it, y’all. It all feels forced. So… performative. There’s a keyword for you. Ha!

Don’t get me wrong, dear reader, I love writing. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t keep making these blogs over and over. But somewhere along the way, writing for fun turned into writing strategically, and that just sucks rocks. Like, I’m supposed to read what other bloggers are doing, study the trends, and tailor my posts to what’s popular. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. 😛

Man, if that doesn’t bring me right back to my college days, nothing else will. “Your story is good, but it’s not publishable.” God, I hated hearing that. If I wanted to write what’s popular, I’d be a published author by now. >_<

Then there’s the rule about being consistent. Pick a topic, stick to it, and post on schedule. I find that thought hysterical, really. The only thing consistent about me is my inconsistency. And my mind just doesn’t stick to one subject for very long. It’s like Oh, butterflies! all of the time. Like, I cut tangents out of these posts every time I write one. They’d be way longer if I didn’t (you’re welcome).

And don’t even get me started on SEO, tags, and social links. I toss a few on because why not? But I have no clue whether they’re optimized. Like, what do I know about tags and keywords? Not a thing. My old blogs had more way more social connections, but this one mostly just links to my Facespace because that’s where most of readers are. (waves)

The truth of the matter is that I don’t really do social media. Like, I tried using Instabook as a pseudo-blog, but its 2,000-character limit is ridiculously small for someone as wordy as me. I had a… what’s it called? Bluesky? account for a bit, but it’s just Xitter with an extra coat of paint — and I’ve always hated Xitter. Now both of those are just lying dormant waiting for me to delete them… again. Le sigh. I suppose I could bite the bullet and get in front of a camera for Instabook, but… yeah, no.

Honestly, I’ve never been great at socializing — online or offline. I can go months without talking to a friend and not think much of it. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s just an “out of sight, out of mind” kind of thing. The friends who know me understand that, but it can still frustrate people. I mean, I totally get it, and I try to be a ‘good’ friend. But I have whole weeks where I’m all “I need to call” someone and forget to call them. I’m just not sure that kind of thing can be fixed.

And that’s the heart of my problem: I’m never going to be a popular online anything… and that’s going to bite me when I try to self-publish my book. Everything I’ve read says success as an indie author depends on the same dance — but with more steps, more stamina, and faster music. If I can’t maintain and build a blog, what chance do I have of building a writer’s audience?

I can’t just throw my book online and hope for the best. But honestly, that’s exactly what I want to do. Right now, all of this has me frozen with… not exactly fear, maybe anxiety? Because I know I’m going to have to “put myself out there” if I want anyone outside of my friends and family to read my book. And that, dear reader, is making me sweat.

Thank you for reading, y’all. I appreciate you taking the time. Take care of yourself, and I’ll chat at you later.